Coming Home

I arrived home safely last night! It is a great thing to be back! It was incredible feeling this morning to look out my window and see, for the first time, all the trees displaying their fall colors. It took my breath away. The last few days of our journey were busy finishing up projects and traveling, and having consistent internet was an issue, but I wanted to write at least one last post.

I guess the best way to express my feelings is through my journal entry from the plane:

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I'm sitting on the plane from Rabat to Paris, waiting for the final passengers to board. It's disappointing to see that the windows are fogged up, and the day is a little cloudy outside. I was hoping for one last good look, at least, of this country which I feel strangely at home in.

It doesn't seem like so long ago now that I was sitting on a plane awaiting takeoff from Boston, taking deep breaths to keep my tears at bay. The man next to me, an Indian guy who was incessantly chatty, was asking me all sorts of questions about who I was and where I was going. When I explained to him that I was going to Morocco to study for two months, he was amazed. "You are an adventurous person!" he had exclaimed. At the time, I wasn't feeling adventurous at all. I felt frightened and incredibly alone, entirely unprepared for whatever was to come. Looking back though I can see that this was the beginning of my adventure--and I think that many characters are scared when their journeys begin. It is how they handle the fear that determines how the story will go.

I have tried to use this trip as an opportunity to stop holding onto my fears and comforts so tightly, to gain some independence and to step out of the things that hold me back so that God can receive me, just me, and see in what ways He can use me. It's not that I have discovered my lifelong purpose in a bolt of lightning while in Morocco, although I wish it could have been that simple. I have learned some, however, about what it means to live intentionally, and that in order to find purpose in something I must really involve myself n it. This does not mean it will always be pleasant or easy to follow through, but I need to stop backing away from things as they get difficult.

We're taking off now. My heart feels heavy saying goodbye to the paradoxical beauty of this country. The sun is just starting to rise, and it looks like it will be a beautiful day.

I am already questioning whether or not the last two months were even real life. Morocco sometimes has an aura of fiction, in its exoticism and mystery. It's easy to think that my wanderings through the medinas of Marrakech and Fez were all a detailed, pleasant dream, that I did not really stand on the shores of the Strait of Gibraltar, or ride a camel while watching the sunrise in the Sahara, or study at a Moroccan university with some of the most interesting and wonderful people I have ever known. These last several weeks it is home that sometimes seemed like the non-reality, but I know that as I return Morocco will become the vivid memory that, in my mind, may or may not have actually happened.

I don't want to forget about the things that I have seen and done here, the people I have met and the things I have learned about the world, about God, and about myself. This trip has absolutely changed my life, and I don't want things to simply go back to the way they were.

I wish that I could write down every moment and detail that I have experienced, so that they could be bottled and kept for moments when I need to drink them up and reminisce about this time. Right now, I don't even know where to begin.

A popular catchphrase on our trip among the group has been YOMO, a play on the viral and rather annoying YOLO. (YOLO was coined by some rap song, with the message "you only live once.") Of course, our modification was replacing "live" with "Morocco": "You only Morocco once" (both grammatically and philosophically profound, to be sure). This has often been used as justification when we would do things that are out of the ordinary, out of our comfort zone, or simply something that we wouldn't normally do at home: like eating snails in Ifrane (they were disgusting), hiking up to the walls of Chefchaouan (a long walk but fro there you can overlook the entire city), or spending our last evening in Rabat wandering around the medina, even though the shops had closed and we were all very sleep deprived. Basically the mindset of YOMO is that if something is holding you back, let go of it, because this opportunity is not going to come again. I have tried to absorb every single moment of my time here to its fullest, knowing that I really have been in a once in a lifetime experience. I am praying that someday I can return to beautiful Moroco, but I know that it will never be the same as it has been this trip. It makes me sad, but also happy to have been a part of this special time; as Winnie the Pooh says, "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

With al that being said, I really am so excited to be going home! Seeing my family is going to be the greatest feeling in the world. Because no matter how far I am prone to wander, they will always be where my heart belongs.
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In closing of this blog (unless something hits me hard over the next few days and I feel the need to write about it, you never know!) I just wanted to say a big thank you again to everyone who has been reading this, praying for me, encouraging me, and thinking of me throughout my time in Morocco. I really could not have done this without you all. Like I said in my journal, this trip really has changed my life, and God used it in ways that I could not have imagined. Thank you for helping me through and reminding me of His goodness and love during the times that I let those things slip from my mind. I hope that my reflections in this blog have been an encouragement as well, sharing some of the lessons that He has been teaching me with you!

If you would like to talk to me more about my trip and my reflections, please feel free to let me know! (My information is under the "Contact" tab). I'd be happy to share!

Thank you all again, ma'salaama,

Catching Up (Again) and Some Farewells

Once again, I'm going to have to apologize for not writing in a while! I've been traveling a lot recently (just got back from 4 days in the Sahara, which was absolutely incredible! Check out the pictures!) and had finals and projects to finish last week for my classes, as well as my independent project which I will be completing tomorrow! On top of everything, the AUI campus is basically shut down this week due to the Eid al Adha holiday--so the internet was not working until late last night. But I'm back!

And just in time... I only have 2 days left here in Morocco. It's hard to believe that my time here is coming to a close. On Friday we had to say most of our goodbyes to our Moroccan friends, many of whom were going home for Eid. It is a strange thing to know that you are likely seeing someone for the last time ever. Lives overlap sometimes for such a short period, make there impression and then move on. I wish I could say that I know I'll see Othmane again, or Alae and Asmaa, or the other friends I have made on campus. Seven weeks is such a short time to be here, and a great part of me wishes that I could share life with some of these beautiful hearts for a longer time, getting to know them better than the little that I have. I guess I can only hope that my short time here has made some positive impression on them, and that I can remember the great impressions that they have made on me: Asmaa's smile lights up a room, and she makes you feel a little more loved and happy whenever you see her. Alae has such a sweet spirit, and Othmane (although he was quirky and drove me crazy sometimes!) was so generous and hospitable to us, even having us in his home in Fez for a weekend and helping us find a place to stay when we went to Asilah. I hope that I can keep up with these and some of my other newfound friends, and I know I will remember them for a very long time.

I have to go now, but I plan on writing in more detail about our trip to the Sahara very soon!

Til later,

5000 Camels

Only 16 days left in this beautiful country. I never really expected that the time would go by fast... but it has been. Sorry for not keeping up with writing so much, I keep busy between my classes and project work, but even more with making friends and exploring here.

One of the highlights of the trip so far was a couple weekends ago, when myself and 4 other WPI students were invited to spend the weekend with the family of one of our Moroccan friends. He lives in Fez with a brother, sister, parents, and maid who all immediately made us feel right at home. I know I go on and on about Moroccan hospitality and how wonderful it is... nothing has really compared to the experience we had that weekend! Even though there were some delays in our arriving and we didn't get to their home until past 10:30pm, there was a hot dinner waiting to be served to us as soon as we arrived. (There was also amazing breakfasts each morning and one of the best couscous dinners that we've had yet the following day!) Every effort was made for us to be as comfortable as possible, and the Zakhnini family once again reminded me of the importance of making someone feel welcome. Even though we couldn't say too much to each other (Othman, our friend from AUI who hosted us, is the only one in his family that speaks English) there was a connection made that has left an impression on me and I don't think I will ever forget.

This past weekend, we took a seven hour bus ride through winding, bumpy mountain roads until we arrived in our weekend destination--Marrakech. This is the "trendy" Moroccan city that would probably be the visual picture that comes to mind when one would picture this country. Stereotypical images have been played up to attract tourists in Marrakech, so not everything you see is necessarily authentic... but walking through a square full of snake charmers and performing monkeys, with the sounds of traditional music and the calls of shopkeepers selling souvenirs, a mosque looking over the scene... It's hard to experience this and remember that you're still in real life. It all feels like a fantasy.

Our time in Marrakech was mostly spent exploring and shopping, after some brief tours of historical sites in the morning with our AUI guides. Almost every shop that we walked by housed a shopkeeper calling out to us advertising his low prices and quality items available for purchase. Some of them took it a step further, giving us little gifts from their shop or asking us all about where we are from. (I was shopping with my friends Cassie and Tony; Cassie has fair skin like I do and red hair, and one of the shopkeepers thought that we were two Irish girls :) ) There was even a carpet seller who made us tea and sat with us for almost an hour talking about school and our respective lives, and of course about carpets. But there was one shopkeeper who's marketing method surpassed them all....

Cassie and I were looking for scarves to buy as gifts for friends and family at home, when the owner--a man with a long curly beard wearing traditional Moroccan dress--came from the back of the store and took my arm, offering to show me some scarves in the back of the shop which are meant to be worn kind of like turbans. He said I didn't have to buy anything, just that he wanted to show me how the scarf was meant to be worn. I chose a color from the spectrum hanging on the wall, and he began to tie it around my head and neck... He said he thought the color of the scarf was pretty with my eyes. Then he offered 5000 camels to marry me. Well, that escalated quickly.  I was terribly embarrassed and we laughed a lot as I tried to explain reasons why I couldn't marry a Moroccan scarf-seller who I had just met. Cassie then tried on a headscarf as well, and was also offered a marriage proposal... Needless to say we bought the scarves, but passed on the engagement :)

Although we are all having an incredible time, homesickness has begun to glaze over all of us. Part of me wishes that we could stay here forever, but I am also getting so excited to return home and see everyone! I really am enjoying my time here, and I've gotten so close with the group it will be so sad when we aren't just one big happy family anymore. But at the same time, I am ready to get back home and start up real life again. Partially because I really miss so many things. I miss church on Sundays, I miss singing, I miss peanut butter, I miss my bed and my clothes, I miss having a room to myself, I miss being able to communicate with the people around me in a language I speak fluently. I miss toilet paper in public bathrooms. I miss seeing the news and driving and eating cereal. I miss Starbucks in the morning on the way to school with Chandler, and I miss Bella's hugs and long conversations with my mom, and my dad waking me up every morning. I miss my friends and our crazy escapades. I miss the feeling of knowing that where I am is home.

But also, here it kind of has the mood of when you're on vacation or away at summer camp. It's great, there is so much fun and adventure and you never want it to end.... but at the same time you know it isn't what's real. This stuff doesn't last, life isn't about going to the market for shwarma dinner every other night and only taking two real classes and traveling to incredible places every weekend. I am learning so much here, but at the same time I am looking forward to getting back to "real life" and processing everything and getting back to normal. So yeah, it's mixed feelings.

In the meantime, I still plan to make the most of the time that I have left here! This weekend we will be doing some traveling up north which I am really looking forward to. I also have two projects and classes to finish up next week... Should be a busy time but I'll try to write more when I get a chance.

Til later,